Where Is Your Other Half?

People Are Always Trying to Pair You Up

It amazes me how people are always trying to pair you up with another human being. We are born alone, unique, except for the 2% of twins, .08% of triplets, and other multiple births; but even if people are born a twin or a triplet they sustain themselves and are responsible for their own growth, education, health, etc.

Bern on the trainSpeaking of our own individualities and commonalities we have the right to be friends with people of the opposite sex as much as we have friends of our own gender. I particularly prefer the friendship of males over the one of females. Nothing personal, I simply find their insight, emotional, and physical strength more appealing. They are gentle but firm, and they are better at solving conflict. Ladies, if you are still reading this, you know it’s true. Sometimes our girlfriends bring a lot of unnecessary drama for things that could have been resolved with a couple of words and a glass of wine (or a word and a couple of glasses of wine? ☺).

Where Is Your Other Half?

I have been seeing a guy, a friend-guy, a new male friend and he has already been called “husband”, “boyfriend”, and  “new guy” by friends and acquaintances! One day I came to the gym by myself, which I used to do anyway before I met Dwight (not his real name) and my instructor greeted me by asking, “Where is your other half?” I responded immediately, “I don’t have another half, I am complete!”

And even if I got married I would still be complete, my own self. I know that it is difficult for many single women to navigate the waves of the daily life alone, you wonder when “your other half” will come to complete your half self, you cry behind a bag of popcorn while watching a romantic comedy, or you secretly resent your girlfriends when they meet someone and things seem to be going really well for them. But your life can be full too! Every day is a new challenge, a new light, a new creation, a new poem, a new performance, a new class, a new song, a new idea for a blog…

Also someone asked me if Dwight made me happy. I hesitated because the answer is yes! Dwight makes me happy, but poetry, Zumba, and yoga make me happy too! There’s no reason to give another person the attribute or the responsibility of making you happy or sad.

a glass of wineThe One Will Come When You Are Not Looking For Him

At church we were studying the book Love, Sex, and Relationships, by Chip Ingram, and the one thing that I learned is that the one will come when you are not looking for him, when you feel absolutely comfortable and content with your circumstances, when you are not hoping for someone to come to rescue you, when you are glad to wake up even though your life is not perfect and you kind of hate your job (not me! ☺). But you have learned to live with the person who matters most in all this, you really know her, you look at her face in the mirror, you are proud of the shape of her body, her wrinkles, and her few gray hairs (when she still can pluck them ☺ ). When she finds that little dress that makes her feel amazing, she goes to that fancy restaurant and the hostess asks if it is just one, she answers proudly, it’s not just one, it’s me.

Love Attracts Love And Misery Loves Company

If you love yourself greatly you will pour out that love into others and into what you do. Discover your passion and love it! Do you like poetry? Read and write like a lunatic! Do you like dancing? Dance like no one is watching! I just remembered Dwight, this guy has a very particular singing voice. Have you watched the winners of American Idol? Think of Dwight as the complete opposite. But he sings, in solitude, he loves to listen to music, he talks about it, and he uses it to calm me down before my performances ☺

On the other hand, I have stopped (or partially stopped) talking to friends who criticize everything I do or wear. And they think they are “helping.” To give you a real life example, once I was talking to a girlfriend about plastic surgeries, so I jokingly asked her if she thought I needed one. What came out of her mouth was, Yeah, you have small breasts, if you could it would be good to get them done, maybe a couple sizes bigger, your smile is too wide, there is a cosmetic surgery to stick the upper lip to the upper gum; by the way, your jaw is kind of narrow, you need to get a cosmetic dental treatment to open space; oh, and you would need lipo for that little tummy (at this point I’m looking at her puzzled), or maybe you won’t need a lipo, just coolsculpting (she says the last part with a big smile to make me feel better)!

Warrior 2 Kurma firstUse Your Imagination

Be creative! You don’t have to become a great artist, just add some color to your life, to your wardrobe, do something nice for yourself, salute the world with a smile even if they decide to give you their back. And try something new to keep your mind engaged!

Talk to God. He is the best listener guy-friend you can have. He will remind you of how precious you are You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you (Song of Solomon 4:7). Hmm… I’m blushing ☺

Life is beautiful, and it’s not a cliché, it’s the truth! Look at all the possibilities without paying too much attention to your past (though this might come in handy), to your age (it’s never too late), or your circumstances (when there’s a will there’s a way.)

Trust in God and His promises and trust that He has given you everything you need to be happy and complete. Everything else and everybody else (including the one) will come to complement you (not complete you) in the most perfect way.

Think positive! You are love! ♥

Advertisements

I AM A TEACHER AND I DON’T HAVE ANY POWER

ONE PERSON CAN AND MUST ORIGINATE CHANGE, but that person needs to be in a strategic place.

I work at one of the toughest schools in NC. This is my sixth year as an ESL teacher (5 of them crying 1-5 times a week). I felt powerless in front of the bad manners and hatred students projected against me, and their low performance not because the scholars weren’t smart enough, but because they didn’t care or lacked the motivation. I started creating mental strategies for them not to get under my skin, but inevitably I usually ended up crying on my way home, overexercising, and screaming at the top of my lungs in Zumba class when there was a move that emulated a punch or a kick. That was my strategy. Survival.

Administrators kept adding to the emotional load. When I was hired we had a good principal; then we had one that… oh well, he simply wasn’t a people person (which is somehow important when you are working with… you guessed it, people). I felt trapped between rudeness and a bunch of deadlines.

Now, if you are a pet lover you know there are a great deal of things we learn from our pets. Compassion, being the most important one. But what I have noticed is that our own behavior sometimes resemble the one of our furry ones. We look puzzled, like them, when someone gets mad at us when we are caught in a “bad” behavior. Like when Boomer, my dog, pees on the carpet and I yell at him pointing out at his mess. He looks at me puzzled and concerned, kind of trying to figure out why I am so mad and waiting for me to stop my little “tantrum.” Likewise we might be mean not knowing we are hurting someone’s feelings. We might make fun of a friend’s “ugly” dress while getting high fives from others; but when our friend confronts us with tears on her cheeks we look at her puzzled thinking, “What I said was really that bad?” And when they finish their speech we hug and console each other because now we both have learned something. We are seeing beyond our own persona.

Going back to my students… They talk too much, they use profanity way too much, they also fight, and bully others. And when they are caught and confronted by my angry expression, they look puzzled, like Boomer, as if nobody had taught them respect and obedience. They inflict pain to others unknowingly, and the sad thing is they leave their number ones and twos all over the place.

I am a Christian woman and forgiveness should be my priority. However, I hadn’t been able to forgive the scholars for their behavior and the “suffering” they inflicted upon me unknowingly (Luke 23:34 They do not know what they are doing). Through the years I have been able to observe that if we receive hate and abuse, what comes out is hate and abuse, which is the same as saying “Hurt people hurt people.” I was an abused child, therefore I was a handful for my teachers, but I couldn’t find the connection before. It is only now that God has opened my eyes. Fortunately, there is a cure against this cancer, and you don’t have to spend a single penny on it. It’s called “love”. Quoting my yoga instructor, “Where there is love there is no fear, where there is no fear there is no anger” (1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love because fear has to do with punishment). The good news is if you are one of those stray dogs who hurt people you can learn new skills or behaviors to find inside peace which will reflect in the outside. I am talking to teachers and students specially.

I don’t have any power. I lost it. I lost the power to punish and walk away during hard situations. I lost the power to hurt and feel hurt. I think of everything God has done for me. How he has stopped my tears on the palm of His hand uncountable times. My dog’s face gives me encouragement as well. I don’t yell at him anymore. If he pees on the carpet it is surely my fault. If my students curse, fight, or bully, I don’t lash back at them and walk away. In my mind I caress them behind their ears, which softens my expression, and they come back to push their head under my hand.

Dr. Timisha Barnes-Jones

Dr. Timisha Barnes-Jones

A new school year has come and I am in the same place physically, but thank God, not emotionally. We have a new Principal, Dr. Barnes-Jones. I feel overwhelmed with all the meetings and information received; however I can say with a big grin on my face that I have hope. We are being trained to change through the No-Nonsense Nurturing Approach. We have a new set of rules that create a CONSISTENT, STRUCTURE, PREDICTABLE environment, and yeah, school already feels different ☺

I come from Bogota, Colombia, and it took one man, one crazy man with a vision to make us believe we could be better. The city and its inhabitants had the potential and the responsibility to be better. Like everything, it takes a leader to move a multitude. For us cachacos (the way they call people from Bogota), it was that crazy Major Antanas Mockus. It sounds funny now but he and Enrique Peñalosa, his sidekick, actually taught us to put the trash in the trash cans, to pick up our dogs mess, to obey the street signs, to be careful with our belongings, to stop jaywalking, to RESPECT our city and the people we shared it with.

Boomer
Boomer

It is said that happiness comes within. That is partially true. The environment (work, friends, co-workers) play an important part on your wellness. I used to feel miserable at work and be a whole different persona at home. I didn’t even wear make up and wore my less attractive clothes to come to school because “they didn’t deserve” to see my beautiful side. Now we have a new leader. Dr. Barnes-Jones is strong but soft, she likes to sing, she has shared her story with us, and through her I have been able to see myself. Beautiful. Confident. Strong. Determined. Committed. I found a purpose where I felt helplessness. God is my Shepperd, I will not fear.

Keep the faith. Every morning is only the beginning.

Yours honestly, truly, and lovingly,

Kurma Murrain ♥

What I Learned from Practicing Yoga

After my first yoga blog I was almost certain the next one was going to be about the asanas I had “mastered”, but contrary to my self-assurance the practice taught me something else. I can proudly say I have completed four weeks of yoga, and the lessons learned in this brief period of time go beyond the yoga mat or the yoga studio. Here is my testimony after a month of practice.

Yoga Group

1. You are not alone: In a room full of strangers and being a “freshman” you might think it is your practice, and it is only your responsibility to find balance and endurance on high planks and downward facing dogs. The first half of my first day I was feeling that way. It felt too complicated and gruesome to go through a Hot Vinyasa class mainly because I saw the others as my antagonists. I felt pity for myself because the others seemed flexible, agile, balanced, and all of them had a pretty nice posture. I could see through the mirror how they drew perfect lines with every asana while I struggled trying to hide my curvy behind to look like a “real” warrior. Internal criticism kills you. Fortunately it didn’t take me too long to feel connected with the group energy. My first instructor, Kyle Conti, was telling stories about himself and life, and by doing so he was making us part of his reality. I still remember his words, You are the boss of your mat. These seven words took me from self-pity to action. It is not about showing others what you are capable of doing, but “to get deeper understanding of yourself through the asana practice” as Kyle said the day I met him. The group supports your sincere efforts as we support sincere efforts in our daily life. The same happened when I arrived to this country. It was the entire community who pulled me through.

2. You are stronger than you think: I can’t count how many times I have wanted to go into a child’s pose for the rest of the class, but haven’t. Again, one of the first thoughts that comes to mind is “I can’t do this,” to realize not only that I can but I have been able to endure. The point is you’ll never know until you try, and you’ll never get better if you don’t push yourself a little everyday. That little can be staying in an asana for two more seconds or lifting your hips a little higher when doing the bridge. In relationships (especially the close ones) you might have to endure tension, an illness, or something worse. You are strong, you can do it, it will be over soon, and you will be stronger afterwards.Bridge

3. Changes happen one step (or day) at a time: Do not rush. It’s not a competition. On my first  blog I had talked about how I had improved so much in just three days. It was true, but muscles need to readjust, get comfortable with the new movements and weight shifting. A week after I wrote that I felt like the first day. I couldn’t accept it, I wanted to go forward, always. But I am changing inside and out and if I decide to continue, this is a process I cannot accelerate.  Listen to your body, it needs time the same way as you need time when you enter a new situation. I am moving forward even if I think I’m stepping backwards sometimes. Lying or standing on my mat I’m becoming a warrior one asana at a time.

4. You are never too old to try something new, you will be surprised: Think about it. When was the last time you did something for the first time? There is a wide range of ages in these classes. Myself, being 45, might have felt that I didn’t have the flexibility, the strength, or even the time to do something like this. However, my body is becoming more flexible and stronger through the practice. And it has extra benefits. I have met new people who have been so kind and encouraging I feel that I could do anything! The brain feels the difference. There is definitely more oxygenation, and I celebrate my little triumphs as I start finding a sense of self-awareness.

5. It’s okay to take a break (child pose): Because of my competitive spirit a few times I have felt the urgency to catch up with the others (refer to point 3, this is not a competition). Like in other aspects of my life I have rushed to show others that I am better. Bottom line is sometimes you need to stop, close your eyes, and breathe. What could be more perfect than the child pose (or balasana). Here you can only look into yourself, nowhere else. Here your body is in contact with your inner emotions and frustrations. Here you slowdown to a full stop. You can even fall asleep. Strenuous circumstances sometimes call for a nap, and that’s okay. The world will continue spinning, take care of yourself first.

Child poseChild pose side

6. Breathe: In my first class I found it difficult to attend Kyle’s call, “Deep Breath.” In my naiveté I was going from one asana to the next (the best as I could) the way I knew how to, forcing my body into movements without giving it the time or the oxygen to be able to perform. We do exactly the same in our daily routines. We go through the motions in hopes that we can survive the days or the new circumstances without giving our mind, body, and spirit the tools to keep going, and only by the grace of God we actually “survive” those situations sometimes causing some collateral damage. Breathe before making important decisions. Breathe before talking to your loved ones. Simply breathe, you will feel better and your body and the people around you will thank you.

7. Life will shake you, it’s your choice to stay: My mother died unexpectedly in 2012 from an asthma attack. This event could have carried cataclysmic consequences due to the strong ties we had developed during the last few years of her existence. I withdrew from life, friends, and Zumba class not comprehending why this earthquake had started and the ground was still shaking. Likewise though in much lower proportion, when you are doing a half-moon, a standing split, or a reverse plank, depending on the length of the asana you will probably start shaking. It is this soft movement what is allowing change. Embrace it. Endure. Be transformed.

8. Namaste (namas: bowing, te: to you): At the end of each practice everyone turns to the center to bow to the teacher and to every other individual saying “namaste”. Here we regard our neighbor as important or even more than ourselves. This demands humility and respect.  Be humble in all circumstances. Respect your surroundings and the people who cohabitate the planet. So many battles and wars could have been prevented if we Namaste from our heart. The same way, at home, treat your children with kindness, they are just starting to understand life through your actions. Respect the animals, they have the same right to be here as you. Do everything out of love.

Peaceful and humble warriors out there. It has been an honor to meet you. May God guide you and give you strength.

Namaste ♥

LET THERE BE LUZ

When I was a child, I was kissed by Muhammad Ali. In 1977 or 78 my mother was invited to a reception for the boxer at the Hilton Hotel in Bogotá, Colombia. He spotted me in the crowd, sat me on his lap, and kissed me as if I was his own daughter. My mother told me, “Kurmita, you’re going to be great because you’ve been kissed by one of the greatest.”

Living with my mother was like Christmas. There was always a surprise under the tree. I never called her “mother”, but I called her by her nickname, Mapy. And later on, just by her first name, Luz (which means light in Spanish). Just like that, she would lighten up every space by her presence, and her laugh filled everything like dew drops over red roses. luz flower dress

I wasn’t her daughter but her friend, so in this unconventional life of hers, her playful character, always seeking for new experiences, and love, I learned to follow my dreams and find joy in everything, following her name as well, Luz, which manifested in me in every way. So when I was 16, this “free spirit” left with a Spanish man to follow her dreams, and I stayed to live mine…

I studied hard, worked hard, and fought for the opportunity to come here. To find my life and destiny in the United States. I was chosen, packed my life in two bags, and was born again! I came through an exchange program, and during my last year I met a gorgeous, loving, compassionate, generous man, who became my husband after a few months of courtship. The most beautiful future was awaiting, but… two years later at 2 in the morning, I was driving and crying trying to hold myself up. My marriage had turned from love to… ABUSE. My husband had kicked me out of our home. I was trying to think what to do, where to go, where I was going to sleep! I was devastated; yet I had to focus on the next step… Where was the light? Luz!? As tears ran down my face, I started to pray, “Dios mío, please, don’t leave me.”

With less than $200 in my pocket and all my belongings in my car I started the hardest journey I ever imagined. My car became my home. I asked friends to stay in their couch a day here, another there, maybe a week here and another there. Still homeless, I was hired to teach math at a high school, and ESL (English as a Second Language) at a community college in the evenings.

God was good to me. He kept His promises of making me prosper and not harm me (Jeremiah 29:11). With my first salary I rented a room in a house; then moved to a single bedroom apartment where I still live, and write, and dance, and call light to my every piece of being.

The desire of writing reawakened, and I have been called to do several poetry readings. My poems have been published in the Latino newspapers (with two books released last year) and people have started recognizing me in the streets as “the poet.”

muhammad ali- kurma photos combined

Muhammad Ali photo by Benyupp on Flickr Kurma Murrain photo by Glenn DeRosa

I’m in a peaceful place where light surrounds me as the words of my Luz pound in my heart, “Kurmita, you’re going to be great because you’ve been kissed by one of the greatest.”

-In memory of Luz Amalfi Castillo Gamboa (Colombia 1950 – Spain 2012) ♥

Continue reading