“You should marry your best friend, because you would never hurt your best friend.” These were the wise words of Scott Parker, my spiritual father, when I had started becoming part of his family as he and his lovely wife began to treat me (and still do) like their own daughter after we met at a Messianic church in Charlotte, NC.
I had arrived to the United States alone and extremely disoriented. Moreover, I became overwhelmed by almost everything around me. I knew the language, but to think in English all day left me exhausted. People told jokes that I didn’t comprehend. The supermarket offered so many options to the family basket products that many times I came back home empty-handed or with more than I needed because I couldn’t make a decision. Having to drive on the interstate gave me panic attacks, for which I “managed” to get to places through the inner city-roads, though I usually got lost and called Scott to rescue me over the phone.
-Dad… I’m lost.
-Where are you, my child?
-I don’t know!!! (ugly cry)
Everything was new, exciting, and strange, which gave me the opportunity to learn something every day, but also gave me plenty of room to feel embarrassed by my ignorance.
1.5 years after living in the United States, I met the man who would become my husband. As I mentioned above, everything was new, exciting, and strange. I ignored all the red flags, starting with, he was never my best friend. However, this was a new culture for me. Thinking things were awkward because we came from different countries I found excuses to continue in a relationship that didn’t make me happy. “We’re in love,” I used to say without going any deep into the subject. We got married. We got divorced. End of the story.
Almost ten years later, I met a man who shook my world. He is new, exciting, and… different. The fact that we met during the pandemic and didn’t see each other until after 7 weeks of texting and talking gave us a real chance. Looking at him is like looking to a mirror and walking into it. In this mirror I see joy and glimpses of the future. He is generous with his words, his time, his thoughts of me, his thoughts of us…
We say “I love you” often, not only with words, but with actions. Nevertheless, a few weeks ago, he told me, “You are my best friend.” This statement lit up every fiber of my being. He knows everything about me and still loves me, not despite of that, but because of that. We get lost into serious conversations, into our silliness, and into our deep feelings for each other.
“And you are my best friend,” I responded without hesitation. I think, before this revelation, I had only identified my best friends outside of a romantic relationship. Now I realize, this is the foundation, to trust someone so much secrets evaporate, and with every confession, the flame of love grows stronger and hotter.
“You should marry your best friend, because you would never hurt your best friend.” Thank you for these sweet words, Dad. I have met my best friend, and we’re planning to stay in each other’s lives for the long run.
It is inevitable to stop to reminiscence about 9/11. Every year a heavy burden falls upon me like an old blanket I use to curl in a corner like the homeless guy I sometimes see out of my door.
It was my second time visiting the United States. I had just finished my work as a camp counselor in Catskills, NY and was finding some relaxation at my friend’s apartment, a diplomat from Slovenia, in Arlington, VA, just 10 miles from the Pentagon.
A distant noise woke me up. It was a single boom that made me opened my eyes and made my heart beat fast. I thought about construction, or maybe our neighbors had let a heavy object fall. First stop, the computer. My email, flooded with desperate messages. “Come back home!!” “Let us know you are okay!!” “Call us immediately… Leave now!!” Curiously, none of these messages explained the severe situation, though I could feel my friends’ hands stretching to me, to save me.
I turned on the TV to try to make sense of what I had just read, and the images froze my heart. I was a block of ice on the couch of an empty apartment. I was paralyzed by what I was seeing and hearing. The United States had been attacked by al-Qaeda. The Twin Towers were no more. I remembered I had walked around the World Trade Center with one of my best friends only a couple of weeks before. How was it possible that two planes had obliterated such majestic place?
Then a second wave of iced water hit me. A third plane had crashed into the Pentagon. My friend… Was he okay…? I called his private phone. No answer. I tried his work phone. No answer either. I curled on the couch drowning in my own tears. The sound of the news muffled by an intense pain.
The phone rang at noon, snapping me out of this ocean of confusion. My friend. He had had to stay at the Slovenian embassy building to inform his country through every news outlet possible. He was fine, but he wouldn’t be back for a few days.
When I could finally move I went to the balcony. My eyes still clouded by tears. I could see the smoke coming out of the Pentagon…
That night and the subsequent days, I kept hearing and feeling their presence. The people who had left this Earth so suddenly and tragically. There was so much pain in the atmosphere. For the first time in a long time, I prayed with all my heart. Although my prayers were senseless… incongruent, God was listening.
Last year I went to see the 9/11 memorial and wept as if the tragedy had just occurred.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore.” (Rev. 21-4)
TOGETHER
Together
This chain that held everything
All of us
In our joy
In our prosperity
In our companionship
We were part of this chain which links were broken and scattered
In our thoughts
In our playgrounds
In our homes
Scattered we hurt and bled
Scattered we walked blindfolded
Scattered we lost our common language
But created a new one
To embrace the children and the widows
To listen with our soul
To heal and love through the debris
The links of the chain were scattered but not destroyed
Isolation is what all the world is facing, and though is the one thing that is keeping us safe, staying home involves a lot of self search, and commitment to survival. As a single woman is extremely crucial to be creative and productive with my time, and finding activities to keep my sanity has become a priority. TV shows go so far, reading goes so far. I become excited when a work project is due, but when it’s been completed I have to go back to focus on myself. Feeding my mind with books and choosing to take care of my body with good nutrients, planning for my meals, and exercising, have been a few ways in which I have been able to keep myself afloat.
But there is another component added to this global situation. I recently started a relationship with a great man. He continues going to his job everyday, so being at home by myself not having contact with another human being sometimes for a day or two, can be a little too strenuous for my emotional well-being. The key to survive this pandemic, apart from the obvious precautions, is to stay busy. Fortunately, there are many wonderful ways to achieve this goal. Take into account that to stay busy is a lot better if you add enthusiasm and positivism. Choose to smile at yourself and to the prospect of great results! Probably, at this point you have tried almost everything in the book so this is not news, but think about how much better you will feel when you put a check mark next to your daily tasks, and the feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. Reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, motivated me to do what makes me happier, intentionally. Even the household work that I tend to postpone can help me feel useful, somehow organized, and seeing how beautiful my place looks afterwards fills me with a great sense of accomplishment.
I think the greatest challenge for many people has been staying active. It feels weird to exercise in a space where you used to unwind after a long day. I’m sure it was shocking to most people to see their gyms closed. Now what? How about my group classes? How about my weights? Yep, it was challenging to figure out how to replace this place that has everything you need to stay fit, which also included a great part of your social circle.
Zumba
Now that I think about it, I appreciate having gone to so many Zumba classes that I can remember the choreographies to at least twenty songs. So, as I said in a previous blog, dancing fulfills me. And my playlist that includes Shakira, Putzgrilla, Pitbull, Gente de Zona, Jason Derulo, and Elvis Crespo is enough to make me sweat for at least an hour each day.
Salsation
Even though I’ve been a fan of Zumba for many years (Zumba was born in my home country after all), a dear friend introduced me to Salsation, a new dance class created by Alejandro Angulo that has all kinds of rhythms and moves! My favorite Salsation instructor is Will Sanchez though. He is super creative and lots of fun!
Pilates, Yoga, Strength, Ted Talks Etc.
Without the pandemic, I would have never realized all the possibilities you can find to strengthen your body at home with minimum to no equipment. Want to improve your core? YouTube has videos for that. Want to be more flexible? There are videos for that. Would like to tone your legs and butt?… You get it. Also, there are insightful and practical talks to motivate your brain. YouTube is a marvelous library where you can get lost and obtain great benefits.
Audiobooks
One of the ways to relax and get some vitamin D, is hiking. During those long walks, I search for a book from my app and listen to it. That way, I not only better my lung capacity and endurance, but I’m learning and get entertained and inspired by the stories.
Share Your Passion
I feel this might be the most important of all. Social media can become our good friend and a real tool to connect with the rest of the world. Even if you haven’t been able to see your friends. Post about your day, your hobbies, your thoughts, your art… Certainly, many people will empathize with you.
This is not Forever
Remember, there was a pandemic in 1918 that people were able to get over with. I don’t mean to be light about it. What I want to emphasize is that despite the tragedy of it, people were able to go back to their lives and rebuild. We have better resources now. Many of us are able to work from home. We can even attend our religious services online.
We are together, and we are stronger than you think. Have faith. Stay busy. Take care of yourself first. Cheer yourself up loudly! You are awesome! And remember, this shall also pass…
How Covid19 Helped Me Find True Love I’m divorced, and to tell you the truth, I haven’t dated much after the divorce papers were signed. It used to be much easier before all these dating apps came into our lives. You met somebody at work, at your church, at a party, at the park, through friends or family… Suddenly, having the power to swipe right or left started to shift people’s perceptions on the value of human life, love, and intimacy. Also, many ill-intentioned people started to use these apps in a conniving way pretending to be someone else with the purpose of stealing or having access to your personal information. Being aware of all this, I still downloaded a few dating apps, because… how else was I supposed to meet somebody? After months of trial and error, this man and I were matched on a dating site with 92% compatibility. This was encouraging though the runners-up and I were 90% compatible. It didn’t mean much to me to have these numbers in front of me. Now that covid19 was quickly spreading and they decided to close all businesses, my interest in finding a partner turned into apathy. I would never be able to meet anyone in person if we all had to stay at home, and I didn’t want to start a “relationship” through texts and phone calls without knowing if they actually looked like the picture on the screen, or if the information they had posted was truthful to themselves. Besides, they could think the same about me. A pretty face, a professional, and a poet. They had the right to believe I wasn’t that person at all. Terry (the 92% guy) sent me a short greeting to which I responded politely. I had already paid for a one-month subscription, so I why not use it. We texted a little through the app, then I didn’t know anything about him for a few days, which gave me enough reason to think this wasn’t going to work. On his next message he gave me his phone number. Ugh… if I wasn’t going to meet him in person, I didn’t want him to have my number so soon, but, I could always block him later. We texted about our jobs, movies, books, our daily routine during the pandemic; however, he wanted to talk, “We should talk by phone some time… Let me know” My answer the next day, “I’m sorry I haven’t decided when to talk to you. I’ve always been afraid of communicating for too long because it’s almost inevitable to start having expectations. I understand these are different times and there is very little we can do about it though. Give me some time, please” That was me, not wanting to develop any kind of intimacy with a stranger, until Terry invited me to a workshop he was going to teach on CloudChats@. I thought, “I can see him in real time and check if he looks like his pictures, and at least get an idea if he is the person he says he is.” I entered the Zoom meeting, and we saw each other. He did look like his pictures, even though his hair was a little long because salons were closed. I attended the meeting out of curiosity, but surprisingly, I started taking notes and became interested in this man who spoke with such great authority. After that, I “gave him permission” to call me. Our first conversation lasted 45 minutes, he sang “Change the World” by Eric Clapton to me with his very sensual voice. Since then, we started conversing every night. Our topics varied from our childhood, to which books we were reading, to our previous relationships. All of a sudden, we were talking for three hours or more every day, and we started to miss each other terribly. It was painful to know there was this person on the other side of the phone with whom you were so compatible and yet could not meet in person to hug. Our texts became much more frequent, and our vocabulary changed to words that looked a lot like love… I miss you, I long for you, I crave you, I want you, You are so beautiful… Then there was this day when Terry texted, “You inhabit my being.” That summarized everything. I didn’t know what to do with all these emotions. I was elated, I was anxious, sometimes I felt scared, and I expressed this to him. I was falling for somebody I hadn’t met. He was reassuring though, telling me he felt the same way about me. One night, we said we were going to meet each other in our dreams. In my dream, he gave me a ladybug diamond ring (ladybugs are a symbol of good fortune and living without boundaries). He said I was in his dream too, and sent me a virtual vase with red roses to thank me for a wonderful night. He joked that we should get married on Zoom and meet later. And I joked that he might be the only man in western culture that proposes to his woman without even saying I love you first. Even though I felt uncertain, I started thanking God for the pandemic because otherwise, I wouldn’t have taken the time to get to know Terry, or I would have dismissed him for any random reason. The governor started Phase I to reopen the city. Terry and I met 7 weeks after our first message and our feelings were undeniable. We already knew who we were. We already knew how we felt about each other. So, during that first meeting, when the day was sunny as ever, even though the forecast was rain (Terry said he would fix it), he kissed me for the first time and said, I love you. To which I responded almost teary, I think I love you too.
Terry proposed on 12/21/21 at Red Rocks, a beautiful restaurant where he sang “Lost in You” by Chris Gaines accompanied by super star guitarist Joseph Gallo. At the end of the song he got down on one knee and asked, “Will you marry me?” YES…. YES! I love you…
Wedding date: November 6, 2022. 811 Gallery. Charlotte ❤️
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you (Psalm 143:8)
And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13)
Love…. That feeling of fulfillment and completeness. That freedom of being yourself around the other, the greatest topic ever written about, the source of great joy when present, and great depression when it has left us.
For years…. decades, I was looking for love outside of myself. Believing that if somebody loved me I would be enough. Only if another would say that I was worthy I might think it was true. Only if another told me I was important to them, then my spirit would glow a little. The problem was the motivation had to come from the outside for me to believe I could be welcomed as a valuable part of our society.
When I accepted Jesus as my Savior back in 2004, a whole new world opened to me spiritually and mentally. I had written poems and stories about my dreams. I also made a video about my mother being somewhat a force that helped me strife, even though she had been an extremely abusive parent, but when God put my whole life in a sphere on the palm of His hand, suddenly my eyes were opened and so was my heart.
When God began to show me how much He loved me, I was so overwhelmed I thought I had gone mad. I had written in a poem How can somebody die to save us? / How could somebody die and save… me? I hadn’t accepted that I was worthy to be loved and to know there was someone greater than anything and anyone known made me come to my knees in tears.
What kind of love was this that didn’t demand my perfection, my eloquence, nor even demanded me to love Him back? The very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid, you are worthy more than many sparrows (Luke 12:7) .
The first impressions of a child mark their emotional development in ways we don’t realize until we start having all kinds of psychological disorders as adults. We can’t run away from our past, because it will inevitably catch up with us. God is light. God is love. God is truth, and the truth will set you free. When I revise my past, I realize I lived in a chrysalis with extraordinarily thick walls, and the effort and pressure I went through were necessary for my metamorphosis. Many of us experience a period in which we think we are stuck. The barriers seem so solid we feel we can’t get through. Our troubles come like heavy blocks that asphyxiate us. To be in this state may seem like death is imminent. Nevertheless, God puts angels around us who break those walls for us, who carry us through the rubble and debris, who collect our tears in beautiful crystal bottles.
Furthermore, He commands us, Love your neighbor as you love yourself (Matt 22:39). I am learning to leave judgement aside. To appreciate my physical attributes, my strength, the color of my skin, and my spiritual and mental power, so I can give the same appreciation to others. Lately, I learned that two people who are close to me have been suffering from anxiety for most part of their lives. We are so quick to assign a word or a description to a person without knowing their back story. Perhaps, by loving them just the way they are they will start to let go of their fears. I’m here, present for them. Love is selfless, and offering it with our words and actions creates an atmosphere of harmony and tranquility, much needed these days.
Indifference and hatred make us weak. Love makes us strong. Start today. Start by receiving God’s love and loving yourself with all your perfections and flaws. The very cells of your body will respond by loving you back immediately ❤
Kurma Murrain, Coor. Community Programs & Rubie Britt-Height, Dir. Community Relations -Mint Museum
From war-torn Colombia to the Mint: how one staffer found her home away from home at the museum
We at the Mint were so excited about International Museum Day this Monday, May 18 that we decided to unroll a week of content for it. And how better to round out the week than to tell the story of this year’s theme—diversity—than through the story of one of the Mint’s crown jewels: Kurma Murrain.
A native of Colombia, South America, Murrain joined the Mint team as community programs coordinator in 2018, where she (alongside Rubie Britt-Height, director of community relations) helps organize some of the museum’s most dynamic programming catering to the region’s international audience and anyone who wants a taste of the world outside Charlotte. Murrain is also an award-winning poet, a talented performer (she was part of The Vagina Monologues at Queens University of Charlotte in 2016), and always ready with an easy laugh.
Here’s Murrain’s story, as told to Caroline Portillo. Lightly edited for brevity and clarity.
I grew up in Bogota, Colombia, in the mountains. I was always writing something — I started with little poems for my mom about how much I loved her. Then in my early teen years at school, I always wanted to share what I was writing with my friends. The teachers noticed and started calling on me to read my poems: in the classroom, on Mother’s Day, on Teacher’s Day. When I was taking physics in high school, I was so bad at it. Failing miserably, and there was no way I was going to pass that class. Then one day my physics teacher came in the classroom, after having read a poem I’d posted on the bulletin board at school. He said, “You don’t need to study physics. You have a talent. I’ll give you a passing grade.”
Escobar, narcos and ‘a good place to be’
We watch a lot of American TV and movies in Colombia. I grew up poor, and to watch those TV shows, I thought everybody in the United States lived an abundant life, and had beautiful houses. Plus, in my country, there was a lot of racism. My brother and I were usually the only black students in the school, and we were bullied because we were black. I didn’t see that on the TV shows in the United States, so I thought, “that’s a good place to be.”
I was also living in Colombia during the time of Pablo Escobar, the narco war, and the guerrilla. I experienced so many horrendous things. They were killing everybody—journalists, artists, important people from the government. They were kidnapping and putting car bombs everywhere. So, yes, I was dreaming about the United States, but I also had another motivation to get out of there.
[NOTE: I am happy to report that Colombia’s former president Juan Manuel Santos won the Nobel Prize for his efforts to bring the nation’s more than 50-year civil war to an end. Colombia is now a safer, more beautiful place.]
The Warmth of Other Suns program at The Mint Museum
In 1998, a coworker told me the YMCA was recruiting summer camp counselors from other countries. I was hired to work at a special needs camp in New Jersey for three months. I had my first experience in the United States and wanted to come back. I came back in 2000 to work at another special needs camp in the Catskills in New York.
Afterward, I kept thinking “I want to go back, but I want to work in my field, education.” In Colombia, I was teaching English at several universities and teaching private classes at a bank, so my friend told me about a program called Visiting International Faculty, that hires teachers to come to the U.S. for three to five years.
I called them and told them about my experience, and they said I was the perfect candidate except for one little thing: I needed to have had a drivers’ license for at least two years. I didn’t drive. So I started taking classes, got my license. This was the thing I’d been dreaming of my whole life, so I was like, “OK, it’s only two years.”
I was 32 when I could finally apply to be a teacher in the US. I marked on my application that I wanted to work in California. That’s what I’d seen in the movies. But it was a school in Charlotte that wanted me, South Meck High School. And they wanted me to be there in two weeks. I had a mini panic attack, heart attack, and stroke at the same time. And when I saw the email, I said “Charlotte?”
I even considered not going because I’d fallen in love. And this man was gorgeous. But when I told him, “Hey I got this email and I may go to Charlotte in two weeks,” he started laughing. I said, “What the heck?”
And he said, “I’m laughing because my best friends live in Charlotte.”
‘Like Disneyland’
It was amazing. The guy I was dating made introductions on email, and his friends said I could stay with them at their home off Carmel Road while I settled down. I didn’t even have a car, so they took me to school and picked me up in the afternoon. I taught English as a Second Language (ESL) at South Meck for three years.
In 2005, one of the Spanish teachers, Mr. Lopez, told me there was a poetry contest at the Mint Museum. You didn’t have to sign up for anything. Just show up and read your poem.
We went straight to the auditorium at Mint Museum Randolph. I didn’t win, but there were more contests at the Mint—four a year—and I won three consecutive times between 2005 and 2006.
Winner of Poesía Viva at The Mint Museum, 2006 (Primera Fila)
I met Rubie Britt Height, the Mint’s director of community relations, in 2012. I was getting an award at the main library uptown and asked the audience if I could read a poem I’d written for my mother who had passed just three months earlier. After I read the poem, Rubie had her mouth open in awe. Then she started inviting me to events at the museum to read my poems, especially Mint to Move. Before everyone started dancing, I would read a poem.
Waiting to receive an award for Latin American artists at the Main Library & the day I met Mint’s Director of Community Relations, Rubie Britt-Height
In 2016, I went to teach English in China for a year. I love adventure. But even while I was there, Rubie asked me to send a video of a poem for the Mint’s Día de las Velitas (Day of the Candles) celebration, a Colombian tradition, that December. And a few months later, she had an event at the museum while I was visiting a cousin in Thailand, and she asked me to read a poem I wrote while I was in China. Because of the time difference, I got up at 5 AM to get ready to connect to Charlotte via Skype.
When I came back to the U.S. I returned to teach Spanish at a school in South Carolina, but I wasn’t fulfilled. Then Rubie gave me a call. She said there was a position open at the Mint for a community programs coordinator and that I should apply.
When they hired me on April 30, 2018, I was ecstatic. The Mint was the best place in the world. Like Disneyland.
Photoshoot for Immersed In Light video
Called to be inspired
The Mint is the most beautiful place. It’s quiet. It calls you to meditate, to be inspired. And my coworkers are so kind. Before working at the Mint, I already had strong ties to the Latin community and the artistic community. I’d been on panels and shared poetry at places like Queens University and Johnson C. Smith University. But being at The Mint Museum now is a platform on which I can help others.
It’s exciting to plan for them, to talk to the performers, to see them and see the reaction of the people. It makes me feel accomplished, too. After each event I think, “Wow, this was great. And I was part of it.”
What I love about the Mint’s programming is I am able to see such a variety of artists, painters, musicians, dancers, poets. It’s such a great array. Every program is so unique and brings a different public.
The Mint is a big part of the Latin community. At Mint Música & Poesía Café—a biannual event that features talented poets, dancers and musicians from the region— we’ve had a salsa dancer who’s now dancing at an academy in New York. We’ve had a cellist from Colombia play while a PowerPoint of photos from Colombian landscapes played. We’ve had a poet from Puerto Rico share a powerful story about his father.
Mint Música & Poesía Café w/ Puerto Rican Poet Neftalí Ortiz
Before I worked at the Mint and heard about Mint to Move—our bimonthly cultural dance night that regularly draws 300 to 400 people—I was like “We can dance at the museum? And there’s a DJ and sometimes a live band playing? Oh my gosh.” So I started bringing all my friends.
Through Mint to Move, I’ve met black people from other Latin American areas and countries, such as Puerto Rico, Cuba. They understand the struggle. For instance, I teach with the Mint’s Grier Heights Youth Art Program on Wednesdays. The children think I’m black before I speak. And then once I speak, they just open their eyes and are like, “you’re not black.”
“But, wait,” I ask them. “Why does that change?” I have to explain to them that slavery came to North America, but also to all parts of America: Central America, South America, the Carribbean. They don’t teach that at school.
Cumbia (traditional Colombian dance) performance at Mint to Move
It’s very touching to be able to see and experience artists who are from your country or any Latin American country. It’s like bringing a little bit of home to the community. And the language—to be able to listen to poetry or music in Spanish. The older people especially get so emotional when they can listen to their language and talk to people like me. It’s a great way to stay connected to their community and their country.
Then I also work with people who just want to know more about Latin American culture. We had a group from UNC Charlotte and another at Johnson C. Smith University who started coming to Mint Música & Poesia Café and Mint to Move. They just love these events. Then there’s Bilingual Stories & Music, which draws Latin families, Asian families, African-American families, white families. And there are so many marriages with spouses from the U.S. who want to learn about their spouses’ cultures through our programs. It’s a beautiful connection they make because they have that special person next to them, and they’re experiencing the programs together. They can see through different eyes. And because of the Mint, I get to be a part of that.
I’ve always found it interesting that I can admire somebody and even predict the success somebody will have by talking to them for a few minutes, studying their manners, the way they dress, and exchanging a few ideas. Some of these people I have thought and said to them that they are destined for greatness, that they’ll have an amazing future, that they are great writers, that they are so attractive they could be models.
I would like to see myself the way my friends see me, the way my spiritual parents see me, the way my boyfriend sees me. I am grateful they tell me that I’m beautiful, smart, and a great writer. However, it is taking me my whole life to give me some credit.
I’m not so generous with my own words when I think about myself. I told a friend that I didn’t want to be too prideful by directing the attention to everything I’ve done. Yeah, I have done a couple of good things in my life, but why brag about it? The point is, you live with yourself 24/7 and you’re the person you receive the most feedback from. Tell yourself the truth about yourself in a positive way. Count your blessings and your talents and tell yourself how important and essential you are for this world to keep spinning. Think about the possibilities. In order for you to be here there was only one (ONE!) chance in 400,000,000,000,000. You must be extremely special to inhabit this Earth. Not everybody made it, and many are long gone. We are the chosen ones.
One thing that this pandemic has shown me is the time I spend in front of the mirror can be used to talk to me, not only as a friend, but as the most important person in my life. Someone I really care for. In actuality, there’s nobody else who could be so frail, vulnerable, and sincere with me at this time. So it goes like this:
Good morning Kurma
You are beautiful
You are strong
Your words are important
Your words are powerful
You can do whatever you want and succeed
You are doing great during this pandemic
People love you
I love you
I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). God loves you so much. One of the best ways to honor His love is to follow His command, Love your neighbor as you love yourself. That care, and worry, and sacrifice you make for your neighbor (a.k.a. your elderly parent, your sick friend, your co-worker, your boss), everything you do for them should come from a place of abundant love, the love you cultivate in you. You must nurture it. Breathe… Now look into the mirror. What uplifting words are you going to tell yourself today?
Depression. It might be caused by an imbalance in your brain or by temporary circumstances.
I’ve noticed that during these days of isolation I let myself wander in dark waters, waters that sometimes took me swirling to an even darker void I couldn’t escape from, and maybe I wasn’t sure I wanted to get out of it.
I spent days without taking a shower, browsing from TV shows to movies, feeling exhausted and irritable. Tears would come down easily for no reason other than feeling alone in this immense space called home, plus I started developing a preference for sad songs, and became agoraphobic and germaphobic. Going to the supermarket was torture, so I bought food for three weeks at a time, which prompted me to snack more to fill the emptiness.
At some point, I thought it would be better to have the coronavirus, that way I would spend these quarantine concentrating in healing instead of looking inside myself and not finding me.
It’s easy to fall into this spiral, and with good reasons. There is a lot of uncertainty out there. However, when I began hearing the term “new normal”, I knew I had to figure out what my new normal would be. I came up with a compilation of actions I could take to take care of myself and also be strong for my friends and family.
Come back!! Your reality is a gift! I had asked for a break for a long time, so I would have time for personal projects. I also wanted more space in my life. My favorite classes at the gym at times seemed so crowded I felt the stress of limiting my space to accommodate more people. Now, I have all the time I want, and I can use all the space of my dwelling to exercise, stretch out, and dance as wildly as I want.
Write. Keeping a record of your negative feelings and a counter thought would be key to keep you centered and improve your day. I learned this by reading What Fear Is Stopping You? by Terry Hudson, the #dreammaker. My therapists always advised to write down my feelings, but the idea of writing a counter thought is very helpful, especially during these times. For instance: Negative feeling: I’m bored, and I can’t see my friends. Counter thought: I’m home, I’m healthy, and I have enough food to sustain me. In my case though, I am delving into my poetic side by writing a two-sentence diary. Here’s a small sample:
Tuesday, April 21
Open your eyes
The ceiling fan continues spinning despite everything else has come to a stop
Wednesday, April 22
The hydrangeas welcome the bees & the wind
I welcome LOVE
Thursday, April 23
Reading my favorite poetry book
While he reads my body in Braille…
Be as playful and creative as you want 😉
Read. This is a great time to catch up with all the books from your library! I just finished reading Love in the Time of Cholera (no pun intended), The Happiness Project, and I’m half way through I Am Malala, and Becoming by former First Lady Michele Obama.
Dedicate time to your projects. Whether it is cleaning, fixing something in your house, enrolling in an online class… Now is the time to do it al!
Talk to God. No matter what religion you are, talk to your higher power. He is your friend, he will not judge you for your thoughts or desires, you can open your heart to Him, you can cry, be angry… He can take it. Bring all your worries to Him. Read your sacred book too. I find reading my Bible comforting, and there is a lot of wisdom I can apply to my life right now, being confident that this shall also pass.
Exercise for the love of God!! I was very disappointed when they closed my gym. I mean, I had become so good at the elliptical, I was “running” at least 6 miles a day. Where else could I get my cardio?? Here’s when I discover parks, duh. Yeah, it sounds silly, but nature has been a great “finding” (even though they closed a few of them later). I started running and power walking, which is even harder than the elliptical so I’m actually burning more calories. Also, YouTube has been a fountain of great workouts. I’ve been doing Zumba, Barre, Pilates, Kickboxing… And I don’t even need special equipment to do all my workouts at home!
Reward yourself. When you know you’ve had a very good day, why not to celebrate you! Your reward doesn’t have to be food, though it’s my number 1 😉 Home-made facials or hair treatments are a true treat as well! Pour yourself a glass of wine and watch an uplifting movie, or order something special online, that something you have wanted for a long time but have denied yourself… Watch your budget, but still give yourself some love!
Do what you love. And this is key. Doing what you love will bring back that joy and passion for life! In my case, people and writing are my passions. So I called for my poet friends to join on a couple of Zoom open mics. We all felt like family and to be able to see each other and listen to what other poets are writing left us all with a great feeling. Also, I love dancing, so I just do it every day, even if I don’t have a choreography, feel it, and your body will follow!
Look for help. If you think this pandemic has taken a toll on you and you don’t want to talk it out with a close friend, churches and places of worship usually have people on call, either the pastor or a group of volunteers, some of which might be trained counselors.
We are in this together. Even in isolation, think about your loved ones. Call them. Let them know you care. That might be the one thing they need to survive this pandemic.
and a real tool to connect with the rest of the world. Even if you haven’t been able to see your friends. Post about your day, your hobbies, your thoughts, your art… Certainly, many people will empathize with you.
Kurma Murrain 